It’s almost here, people! Come Tuesday, Hopey McChangerson will take the Oath of Office and we’ll have ourselves a brand-spankin’ new Presidente.

A lot is going on in the lead-up to the big day, including one long-overdue event this very night:

At 9:00 p.m. Friday, the highest-level staffers will turn in their gear; and the West Wing will become a ghost town. Chief of Staff Josh Bolten, Counselor Ed Gillespie, and Press Secretary Dana Perino are the senior staffers who will remain here, on standby. Monday is a federal holiday so the White House would be closed anyway. On Tuesday, Special Agent Donald White of the U.S. Secret Service will shadow President Bush, sit in the customary front ‘shotgun’ seat of the limousine, and guard the President until noon. At 12:01, Agent White steps over to a position behind Barack Obama.

Confirmation hearings for Obama’s Cabinet picks are also underway, and while there’s plenty of other outlets covering news on that front, I did want to point out a highlight from Eric Holder’s hearing. Are you ready for government officials speaking to you like an adult again? I sure am:

You hear that? Waterboarding. Is. Torture.

Simple, straightforward, and free of rhetorical gymnastics. 100% Refreshing.

So yeah, WiS is definitely excited about Inauguration Day—just not enough to stay in town for the imminent shitstorm descending upon DC in a matter of hours. A mini-vacay at Lake Gaston for Beer Olympics is much more appealing. Updates will be posted on Twitter until my return, so go nuts there.

For those of you swarming into town or holding down the fort for guests and random Craigslist renters, good luck. Things to keep in mind:

• FEMA has joined the party.
• Dress warm.
• Hope(!) you won’t have to go to the bathroom.
• Don’t count on any Netflix coming in that day.
• Pick a bar you’d like to celebrate in ahead of time and stick to it. You will NOT have fun trying to bar-hop.
• Know your Metro closures.
• Was taking out a third mortgage to nab a ticket really necessary?

Geekologie truly has the best tipsters, no fake.

I thought I gave good interview until seeing this masterpiece. Ben Schwartz is kind of adorkable to boot. Video after the jump.

Since Lady GaGa is one of this month’s music recommendations, I’m posting this acoustic rendition of ‘Poker Face.’

GaGa does her best Alicia Keys impression, and the snapping is just adorable.

I think I just got Palinroll’d.

I’m sifting through today’s snail mail when I see an envelope marked, ‘Office of the Governor of Alaska.’

WHAAAAAT?

My gut response was OH-SHIT-HIDE-SHE-FOUND-OUT-I-CALLED-HER-RETARDED-AND-SHE’S-GONNA-GUN-ME-DOWN-FROM-A-HELICOPTER!!!!111!one11!! confusion.

A) Why won’t this woman go away and B) what the hell am I doing on a distribution list for Alaska’s state office? Does written correspondence have an ‘UNSUBSCRIBE’ button?

After having Ralphie (didn’t know he’s SWAT dog now, didya?) screen for anthrax and explosives, I cracked this bad boy open only to find some good old SPAM:

[emphasis mine]

Dear Neighbor [I'm willing to bet Palin isn't aware of the distance separating DC and Alaska. Neighbors are people I can walk to and borrow sugar from],

As Governor of Alaska, I am pleased to tell you about a very special offer [SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!]: now you can receive an official Alaska travel guide—absolutely FREE. This isn’t some skimpy brochure—this is a full-color publication [always overcompensating for something, aren't you?], as bold and exciting as Alaska. Just imagine [oh, LET'S!]:

• Watchable wildlife, outdoor photography, camping, fishing, clamming, hunting, hiking and nature walks [and of course, all the OxyContin you can grind up and snort].
• Breathtaking glaciers, deep blue fjords, the midnight sun or dazzling auruora borealis, rain forests, volcanic landscapes and the Arctic Circle [visit now because I'm in the process of raping all of these natural wonders into oblivion!].
• Rafting [which I'm pretty sure is code], a dog sled ride [meth], Eskimo blanket toss [black-tar heroin], panning for gold [all the under-aged teens you can impregnate—take home a souvenir!], relaxing in fine restaurants [our Ruby Tuesday's is BEYOND], discovering our Alaska Native and Russian cultural roots [Russia's right around the block, y'all!].

To get full value out of your visit to Alaska [take Bill Kristol—he's all up in my junx 24/7], you’ll want the free Alaska travel guide. You’ll learn about our comfortable weather [just a few more years of pumping carbon into the atmosphere and 80º summers are here!]—how easily you can visit us ['National Review' cruises are a STEAL]—and much more!

I hope you’ll come to Alaska soon [so we can draft you into our secessionist militia], and I urge you to use the enclosed card to send for your free Alaska travel guide right away. It’s an official publication, so there’s no obligation. But please write today—we’ve run out of copies in the past. In the meantime, visit our website at TripToAlaska.com. We look forward to hearing from you.

With warm regards,

Sarah Palin
Governor

Okay. Still alive. Did anyone else receive this lovely correspondence from America’s resident Ice Queen?

I’m off to Google the symptoms of anthrax poisoning. Will return if not coughing up blood.

The traffic plan for Inauguration Day is out:

Almost 3.5 square miles of downtown Washington will be closed to vehicular traffic starting at 15:00 (that’s 3:00 p.m., you philistine) on 19 January. Restrictions will end on the morning of 21 January.

DCist has the full deets.

My planned exodus from the area over those few days is developing nicely. DC’s going to be a hot mess. Historic, yes, but a hot mess nonetheless. I’d much rather celebrate Obama’s Inauguration by representing the proud nation of Barackistan in Beer Olympics.

And for the swarming masses psyched to bum-rush DC on the 20th, here’s some rain for your parade. Sorry.