Yoink! ‘We Are Not Retarded’

6 11 2008

Via 23/6:

In electing Barack Obama, we proved that…

We can tell women apart.
The GOP saw that many Democrats were big supporters of Hillary Clinton, who is a female. So someone decided, ‘They want a woman. Let’s give them one of those.’ Someone else most likely asked, ‘Which woman should we get?’ to which Steve Schmidt replied, ‘Who cares? They’ll never know the difference.’
We knew the difference.

We are aware that racism isn’t the answer to everything.
If the McCain campaign had one, overriding message, it could be summarized as, ‘The only way to solve all the problems facing this country is to vote against a black person.’ While the message appealed to many Americans, far more of us responded with, ‘Normally, I’d agree with you. But this time, racism just might not be the way to go.’ We took the gamble and won.

We can tell catchy three-word chants apart.
A lot of stuff got chanted this election, because chants are fun and everyone should join in on one if they get the chance. But yesterday we proved that while all men are created equal, that’s not the case with catchy three-word chants. Thus did 63 million Americans go into voting booths yesterday and declare that ‘Yes We Can’ is a way better chant than ‘Drill Baby Drill.’

We know that old people don’t wanna change a goddamn thing.
Americans have been around old people long enough to know that they don’t like to change stuff. So when an old person started telling us about all the stuff he plans to change, we knew he was lying, and we responded the way we did when our grandfather went into that home. We ignored him.

We know not to do everything our plumber tells us to do.
Actually, that’s an overstatement. 63 million Americans know not to do everything our plumber tells us to do. For 55.8 million of us, however, when a plumber says jump we say how high. Still a good, not-that-retarded margin.

We know that when something might cause a global apocalypse, we should find another way.
This, ultimately, was the true demonstration of our nation’s level of intelligence. Each of us went into the booth thinking, ‘I can either vote for Obama, or the entire world will be reduced to ash and cinders before next Easter.’ Again, 55.8 million of us opted for the annihilation of Earth. But the other 63 million? That’s right. Not retarded.

You’re welcome, planet. Now take us to McDonalds.




2 responses

7 11 2008

Hey, coming from a house where we love our cherish our daughter with special needs, I take great offense at your harsh words.
Okay, lucky you. You’re not retarded. You’ll be able to do things independently your whole life. Any reason why you need to point out that you’re so much smarter than those people over there with special needs?
These people need your respect, not your ridicule. Haven’t we had enough of that those last four years??? How about a little decency and compassion for people doing the best they can.

7 11 2008

Let’s be perfectly clear here:

1. Being born with special needs doesn’t make you retarded.

2. Assuming or calling someone who does have special needs a “retard” makes you, ironically, a retard.

3. People with special needs have a much clearer worldview and more sense than a whole host of people who have absolutely no special mental or clinical impairment.

4. You can’t be born a retard—you have to earn it.

5. People who supposedly have full mental/physical capacity and competency, yet manage to still become completely ignorant, narrow-minded, fanatical, and angry people are retarded (see Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, Bill Kristol, Ann Coulter).

6. Calling people who ARE ignorant, narrow-minded, fanatical, or angry despite supposedly having half a brain “retards” is a completely fitting observation of such people and has no bearing on or correlation to people with special needs.

So while I appreciate your concern and comment, taking knee-jerk umbrage at the word “retarded,” when it has nothing to do with your daughter, is retarded.

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