Get to Know a Douchebag: Bill Kristol

7 11 2008

January 20, 2009 will be a good day in America—we will welcome and swear in a new president.

But how’d we get in this mess—shitty president, two wars, Katrina, horrible management at home and abroad, Sarah Palin, blah blah blah—in the first place? ‘Get to Know a Douchebag’ aims to spotlight the leading culprits in the fuckery of the past eight years, and I lead off with Bill Kristol:

If you want the general bio and background, you can go his Wikipedia page for that mess. That’s not what I’m here for. What you do need to know is that Bill Kristol is always wrong, and he always lies.

He lies to make people that messed up this country look good:
Kristol praised President George W. Bush’s second inaugural address without disclosing his role as a consultant to the writing of the speech. The fuckwit praised the speech during Fox News’ coverage of the address, as well as in a Weekly Standard article, without disclosing his involvement in the speech either time.

He was wrong about xenophobia and “islamophobia” in the aftermath of 9/11:
Kristol’s assertion that the 9/11 attacks ‘did not result in a much-feared (by intellectuals) wave of popular Islamophobia or xenophobia’ in this country…goes against plentiful data and the lived experience of Muslims, Arab Americans and immigrants in our country. Many Muslim Americans reported increased hostility toward them after 9/11.

He was wrong about everything regarding the Iraq war, Bush policy, and terrorism—everything.

He was wrong about Fred Thompson winning the 2008 Republican Primary, leading John Stewart to famously exclaim, “Oh Bill Kristol, are you ever right?” (1:12 in the video below):

He was wrong about Hillary Clinton marching to the Democratic nomination in a cakewalk:
If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she’s going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her…Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.

He lies in his columns to make political enemies look bad:
Bill Kristol tried to find reasons for conservatives to be optimistic about 2008 elections, despite the claims of some Republicans that ‘the Republican brand is in the trash can.’ To support his argument, Kristol pointed to Sen. Barack Obama’s 41-point loss in the West Virginia primary:

“On Tuesday night, while the GOP Congressional candidate was losing in a Mississippi district George Bush carried in 2004 by 25 points, Barack Obama was being trounced in the West Virginia Democratic primary—by 41 points. I can’t find a single recent instance of a candidate who ultimately became his party’s nominee losing a primary by this kind of margin.”

New York political consultant Jerry Skurnik says it took him ‘all of 2 minutes to find what Kristol couldn’t find.’ On Feb. 5, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney beat presumptive GOP nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) by 85 points in the Utah primary. In fact, on the same day, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee beat McCain by the same margin Kristol touted as unprecedented—41 points—in the Arkansas primary.

(Note: The New York Times issued at least three corrections for factual errors in Kristol’s columns during his first six months at the paper.)

He lied about Barack Obama being in attendance during a controversial Rev. Wright sermon:
The central claim that Kristol employs to show Obama’s pattern of deceit—that Obama was in attendance for the sermon—turns out to be wrong.

He was a leading cheerleader in the selection of Sarah Palin as VP:
The most ardent promoter, however, was Kristol, and his enthusiasm became the talk of Alaska’s political circles. According to Simpson, Senator Stevens told her that ‘Kristol was really pushing Palin’ in Washington before McCain picked her. Indeed, as early as June 29th, two months before McCain chose her, Kristol predicted on ‘Fox News Sunday’ that ‘McCain’s going to put Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, on the ticket.’

He described her as ‘fantastic,’ saying that she could go one-on-one against Obama in basketball, and possibly siphon off Hillary Clinton’s supporters. He pointed out that she was a ‘mother of five’ and a reformer. ‘Go for the gold here with Sarah Palin,’ he said. The moderator, Chris Wallace, finally had to ask Kristol, ‘Can we please get off Sarah Palin?’

He was wrong about the effectiveness of character attacks on Obama and on using Bill Ayers/Rev. Wright (‘The Wright Stuff’) one week, then turned around and denounced those same attacks’ effectiveness on TV and in his column the next week (‘Fire the Campaign’):

Holy shit. That really is a lot of dirt. You must be asking, “Why the hell does he still have a job?” I don’t know.

Just today, it’s revealed that Kristol used his NYT column as a forum to parrot out attacks on the McCain campaign in defense of his Alaskan jack-off fantasy, Sarah Palin.

No surprise there. But listening to him try and fight for his credibility and his job on TV is schadenfreude-ingly orgasmic.

Go to hell, Bill Kristol. You’ve earned your place as the inaugural entry in ‘Get to Know a Douchebag.’ You may just be the douche-baggiest.

So say it with me now: Bill Kristol is always wrong and he always lies.

And no, he’s not the same Bill Kristol that played Miracle Max in The Princess Bride. That’s Billy Crystal, you dumbass.

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8 01 2009
Palinroll’d! « Whatever, it’s summer.

[…] get full value out of your visit to Alaska [take Bill Kristol—he’s all up in my junx 24/7], you’ll want the free Alaska travel guide. You’ll learn […]

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