The Chinese Water Torture for John McCain Just Won’t End

7 11 2008

Or is it Vietnamese cage torture? I always get that shit mixed up.

It was bad enough for Gramps that he lost the Election. But does he need to be reminded of that crushing loss day after day as election results come in at the pace of my mom driving on I-95?

Sarah Palin said herself—when asked about who should win the election—that God’s will be done. Apparently God’s will is that John McCain should have a fresh daily reminder that he sucks at life.

In the wee hours of Nov. 5, the electoral map looked like this, with Obama winning 338-163:

The game was over, Obama won, with Indiana, North Carolina, and Missouri still uncalled. But Obama didn’t need them to go in his column.

Then, at about 7 in the morning on Nov. 5, Indiana went for Obama, so the new score was 349-163. Sucks for J-Mac. John McCain, not Jesse McCartney.

Then, on Nov. 6, North Carolina came down with a case of Obama-itis, and joined the party. 364-163 Obama. OKAY, we get it, Obama wins, JESUS!

Fast forward to today—Nov. 7—and Nebraska’s second district went to Obama, giving him one more electoral vote. Current score is 365-162, and the map looks like this:


Yes, bitches, I know the map doesn’t reflect the one extra Nebraska vote in Obama’s figure. Whatever—it does accurately reflect the one vote loss in McCain’s number for some reason. Meh.

For some ridiculous why-in-the-goddamn-hockey-mom hell Nebraska divides up its electoral votes instead of allocating them on a winner-take-all basis is beyond me. But it does allow Obama to take a vote from McCain’s red state cookie jar even though McCain won the state overall. That’s just cold. That’s like butt-raping the guy and then jizzing in his eye for good measure. Stone. Cold.

Silver lining: Missouri is still technically undecided, but looks like it will eventually go to John in the end (swish!).

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